You’ve seen the “I made my computer read every script from Alf and then write a screenplay” posts. Hilarious. I have seen them, too, and so when I started getting ads telling me that I should let Jasper the A.I. writing whiz write my blogs for me, I thought, “Wow, computers must be getting better!”
First of all, it’s silly that I was even getting these ads on Facebook. I don’t own a business. I AM the blog writer. I’m the one Jasper is going to replace. Somehow this is still less insulting than the barrage of makeup and weight loss ads I’d previously gotten. Take note people, deep down we’d rather lose our jobs than be body shamed! I’d rather you say “Hey beautiful,” as you flip a quarter at my cardboard box sidewalk home than yell “Hey fat ugly sasquatch,” at me from the gate to my mansion driveway. Deep down.
I digress. Anyway, I clicked on the video for Jasper, and as the announcer is talking about how fast Jasper is and how you only have to rephrase and edit, there’s a computer screen in the background with text appearing rapidly. The words are much too small to read, and the visual aid is quickly replaced by another.
However, with my high tech sleuthing skills, I replayed the video and screenshotted Jasper’s blog. I zoomed in. It was about space travel. Here are some things I learned about space travel from Jasper, with his great capacity for scouring the entire internet:
One. “Elon Musk needs another job, but never fear! He has the answer to all your space travel chestnuts.” I’m learning so much already! I would never have guessed that Elon Musk needed a new job or that I even HAD any space travel chestnuts. It’s a good thing Jasper told me I needed to work out my chestnut problem before I boarded my space flight! Can you imagine being miles above the Earth and suddenly you’re surrounded by floating chestnuts with no idea what to do about it? Thanks, Jasper!
Two. “A voyage on zero-g could ruin their insides like a shaking up a soda.” Okay I’m just going to skip right past the grammar issues and right to oh my God, who are THEY and what are they going to do?! Jasper doesn’t say! Is it the chestnuts? Is it the pilot? Is there any way to avoid this? Holy shit!
Three. “Space is Black and White so will need some classics on board for those long trips…what about Hollywood classics of our time?” Jasper has not told me how far we’re going, but until now I had assumed it was just Musk’s little day trip into orbit and back. Again, grammar aside, what in the great milky way is going on? If I’m going on a day trip, I’m making the most of the window seat! I’m not watching Matt Damon go to Mars when the entire continent of Africa is out the window. If I AM going farther, then I’m going to need a much longer blog.
A.I. blogs are for one thing and one thing only. Google USED to search sites for new content as part of its ranking method. Constant fresh content would get you higher on the page when people searched. But Google has had to get smarter. These days, real clicks, reads, shares, and links are what count, and no one is going to share Jasper’s space travel blog no matter how much you edit it.
Hire real writers. We take a little longer, but we actually care about your success, and we will never confuse your customers with space travel chestnuts.