How To Find Hot Guys On Facebook

One of my favorite pastimes is deleting the ads that run along the right side of my Facebook page. Click the ‘x’ in the upper right corner, and they give you several options as to why you want to replace it with a new ad. (Because of course you can’t just have no ad there at all.) You can click “uninteresting,” or “offensive,” but I usually choose “other,” so that the little typing box comes up and I can be more specific. Some things I have written are, “repulsive,” and “I don’t want to look at Paul Ryan’s face.”
Facebook seems to know a lot about us, so I was surprised the other day when an ad popped up for a smooth jazz cruise to Mexico. Now, like most musicians, I only speak with disdain about smooth jazz, and in a word association game, if you said “cruise,” I would say “norovirus.” I prefer to stay at home, cook (the hell out of) my own food, and listen to Clark Terry.
Instead of exing out of the ad, I decided to try a new tactic. I started to put the words “hot men” at the end of all my status updates, in hopes that Facebook would get the hint and at least my ads would be pretty to look at. All that happened was my brother in law and my friend Joe from church commented, “You called?”
When my husband got home from work, he asked me what the whole “hot men” thing was about. I explained.
“I think it depends more on what pages you ‘like,'” he said.
Props to Sean for trying to help me get hot men ads on my page. He’s very secure in our marriage. Like the old song says, “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.” I’d like to think he’s secure because of my loyal nature, but I’m sure he just knows I have no chance with “hot men,” except for him of course.
Anyway, I don’t want to ‘like’ pages because I hear they sell your information. I guess it’s ridiculous, because the whole point of my blog is to blab my information anyway. I don’t know, there’s just something creepy about ‘liking’ I Love Jesus, a page created by God knows who.
A straight male friend reminded me about the gay cruise ads he got when he accidentally clicked that he was interested in men when he first signed up for Facebook. For a long time, he assumed he got those ads because he lived so close to San Francisco. Then his gay Facebook friend asked him out, causing much embarrassment before he figured out the Facebook problem. But that’s another story.
The friend’s point was that I could change my Facebook marital status to “single,” and maybe then hot men would appear. But if I did that, all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and men who never stopped loving me would innundate me with phone calls. Not to mention the virtual jilting of my husband.
Alas, just because I never found hot guys on Facebook doesn’t mean you can’t. You may have to ‘like’ Muscle Magazine and claim to be single, but it might be worth it. You’ll have to tell me if it works for you.

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