3 Reasons I’ll Never Tell Anyone My Worst Fear

1. My enemies could find out and use it against me.

Have you read Orwell’s 1984? Spoiler alert, room 101 has your worst fear in it. Do NOT read this book if your worst fear is rats or spine pain. Do I have any enemies who might want to Room 101 me? Not that I’m aware of, but you never know.

2. Unwanted Advice

What? Get over my fear of flying (woops, wait it’s okay, it’s not my worst fear) by flying more? Thanks a lot. I’ll get right on that. Expensive and scary. Great idea. Guess what? I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to hear you talk about it, I don’t even want you to think about it. Next subject. How ’bout them Giants?

3. This Freaky Thing That Happened To Me

Okay, this sounds like one of those stories that junior highers tell at sleepovers, but it’s true. When I was seven or eight months pregnant, my husband and I took a childbirth class. These classes are really just something to give the future parents an illusion of control, as all this knowledge is going to find a way out of those impenetrable hospital windows when labor starts. Anyway, during one of these classes, the teacher had the moms take turns telling their worst childbirth fear. And I swear, just like a cheesy horror flick, every single worst fear came true, to a person. Girl who feared big baby? Only ten pounder among us. Lady who feared long labor? Thirty-four hours. And me? I wonder what would have happened if I’d said, “I have no fear. God is with me.” I do wonder. But I’ll never know, because I said, “Having to have a C-section.” Not only did I get to have a C-section, but I got to hear a play-by-play of every slice and smush, due to the fact that the doctor was teaching an intern. Side note, I strongly suggest that if you ever need a C-section you go into it ignorant of the details and hope there’s no intern. Don’t read up about it.

And so, what’s my biggest fear, you ask? I really don’t have one. I’m pretty squared away in the fear department. Nope, nothing to see here. Move along. How ’bout those Giants?

 

 

 

 

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