Snark Badge

County fair. Disney teen star giving a pop concert. What good wholesome fun for this sea of 8-14-year-old girls. Pre-concert music blares from the sound system, and, what’s that? Was that the B word? Oh my, the S word too? Even this mom who wrote a blog post in defense of the F word shares uncomfortable giggles with other parents in section A.

At home, largely due to boredom, I consider sending the radio station that sponsored the concert a Facebook message. Now, whether to send it privately or put some snark on their wall. Hmmmm.

I close my eyes and imagine. I step up onto a podium, and an imalgum (played by Maggie Smith) of every snarky TV character I’ve ever emulated pins a Snark Badge on my lapel.
“Remember,” Maggie says loud enough for the Snark Ceremony audience to hear. “With great snarkiness comes great responsibility. You must never be snarky to the innocent, you must temper your snarkiness with kindness, and when you are snarky, you must always, always be right.”
I nod gravely, open my real eyes, and type on the radio station’s wall:

“Good job playing a song with swear words before a concert for ten-year-olds.”
I smile. I smirk. I wait for the “likes.” I always get “likes” for snarkiness on my own page. That’s part of the reason I received my badge.
But instead, I get a response that goes something like this. “That wasn’t us. We were only the emcees. We were shocked too! It was the sound guys.”
“My apologies!” I comment quickly.

I close my eyes. Maggie Smith. Professor McGonagall! The dowager countess of Grantham rips my badge from me. “You can’t handle the snark,” she says.

My head hangs low. She is right.

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