If I Die Of The Flu

When I was on a worship team with my friend Tara, she used to say quite happily during rehearsals, “Okay, if I die this week, I want this song played at my funeral.” I never understood how she could talk about dying so lightly, and it made me a little uncomfortable.

Maybe it’s that I’m more sure that I’m going to heaven now, or maybe it’s that I’ve lived ten more years and feel like I’ve gotten a pretty fair turn on this planet – maybe it’s that I’m tired of dentist appointments and not being able to find comfortable shoes and reading depressing news stories, and maybe it’s that I’ve become more controlling in my old age and want to maintain some control even from the grave, and maybe it’s because I’m feeling better today and don’t really think I’m going to die anymore, but now I can say, meaning no discomfort to you, “if I die of this flu, please don’t use it to tell other people to get their flu shots.”

Actually, do whatever you want, but know that for every time you share the status, “So sad this awesome lady was too stubborn to get a flu shot,” my REAL friends will share this blog entry (I’ll finally get some shares!) which tells everyone that several of my friends have gotten the flu even though they had their flu shot, and that I don’t believe a flu shot would have saved me, and that I am very happy in heaven.

Before this week, I hadn’t had the flu in four years, which I believe rivals the record of my friends who do get the flu shot. Of course, when my daughter was young I caught every single thing that came around, so I might just be immune to everything. Anyway, you don’t have to do what I want just because I’m dead, but just in case you feel like fulfilling last requests, and not using my death to advertise flu shots isn’t enough for you, choose one of the following:

– Name your next pet after me. If you don’t want to name your boy pet Marie, you may name it after C.S. Lewis, or a character from one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride, Groundhog Day, or Babe. Please no rats or snakes.
– Try to make a picture go viral in which you hold a sign that says “I’m trying to see how many ‘shares’ I can get so I can prove to my kids how fast things get around the internet.” But have a picture of me in the corner of the sign with a miniscule speech bubble where I’m saying, “Ha ha I got you to share.”
– Eat a bowl of ice cream (that’s the one I’d pick.)
– Visit my birthplace and tell the strangers you meet that I was born there and became very famous in the field of hemp-fuel research.
– Win an Oscar.

And if I don’t die of this flu? Well you should be so happy that you name your next pet after me! That you make a picture go viral for me! Or at least eat a bowl of ice cream with particular, thankful, joy.

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