On Flirting With a Married Woman

I have been married for 17 years. While I would be horrified if a man who knew my husband or me flirted with me, a girl can’t help but notice that no one at the grocery store or the bar is looking to see if she has a wedding ring. In seventeen years, there have been two times that, for a moment, I thought I might have been flirted with. They have one thing in common, and it teaches an important lesson.

Five years ago…
I was sitting in an office waiting room, feeling good in my white sweater and good hair-day hair. A tall charmer walked through the wait room and opened the door to go out, then CAME BACK to introduce himself to me. Why, after twelve years of marriage, was someone taking notice? Was it the sweater? Probably not. Read on.

Today…
Today I was at the grocery store. Some would take the fact that they had not showered yet as an indicator that no one was going to flirt with them, but nooo, not me. Sometimes my hair looks better that way. And I had taken off the sweats I slept in and put on jeans and a clean, albeit bulky, sweatshirt. Keep in mind that the last time I went to this grocery store, the cashier asked me if I qualified for the senior discount. No, that’s not true. That was the time before the last time. The last time was when I insulted the cute college boy’s Canada tee shirt, assuming he knew that there was a U.S. Canada Olympic hockey game on. He must not have, because he looked like he was going to cry, and eyed me warily when we met in another aisle.

Anyway, the point is that I’m still trying to bounce back from the senior discount thing and today, a very handsome man smiled at me. I thought he must have looked beyond (not through, mind you) the bulky sweatshirt and been amused by my whistling the Oompa Loompa song. I said “hello” and walked nonchalantly by with my bag of oranges swinging, and resumed my whistling. As I picked out my tamales on the other end of the store, I saw the man again. He was asking an employee where the manager was, as he had an interview. Just like the man five years ago in the office who, it turns out, was just trying to make a good impression on everyone in case they were important.*

It turns out that interview mode and flirt mode are very difficult to differentiate.

If my little stories have a moral, and they don’t, it is either that a married woman shouldn’t care if she gets flirted with, or Oompa Loompa doompadee dah, if you’re not spoiled then you will go far. But if my stories have a lesson, and I think they do, it is that if you need a little flirting, you should go to a job fair.

*And who also got the job, dated a girl in the office, and left her crying.