Dear mom on the iPhone,
I’ve noticed that post is going around again that tells you to watch your kids swinging and playing at the park instead of staring at your phone.
I think last time this went around, someone blogged a response. But was it funny? No. So here’s mine. It’s a list of things I imagined about you that make your preoccupation with your phone acceptable.
1. Your best friend is in labor. All your usual babysitters are seeing Taylor Swift at the county fair. Instead of chasing your kids through the hospital telling them not to touch things, you are keeping up with your best friend’s progress via phone.
2. You just played seventeen games of Candyland at home, and watched your kids play for an hour and ten minutes before I got to the park.
3. You haven’t had a break from your kids in three months. They just threw a half hour tantrum about how you didn’t bring money for the ice cream truck, and you are afraid if you interact with them, you will tell them you wish they’d never been born.
4. Buster Posey is messaging you. Shut up, kids.
5. You are telling someone how to stop the self destruct countdown on their batmobile.
The point is, I hardly know you, and I don’t know how your day has been thus far, but I do know you work hard. Don’t ignore your kids every day, but I’m guessing you don’t, because you are a mom, and I know moms, because I have one and I am one.