Since I Left Facebook

Before I tell you about the amazing thing that happened since I left Facebook, I’d like to explain why I left. I used to champion Facebook every chance I got. Every time one of my friends threatened to unplug, I’d remind them “You can reunite with old friends! You can ask how to unclog a drain! You can see who has a copy of Hunger Games to lend you!” All true, and I enjoyed all those benefits. So did I leave because Facebook is secretly spying on me, reporting me for my bad puns? No. Because I spent too much time on it? Maybe I should have, but no.

I left because I can’t keep my mouth shut, or rather, my fingers still. I can’t shut up when someone insults the president (oddly, not the president that took us into an unwinnable, unjustifiable war) or tells me that I don’t care about babies because I question the current immunization schedule, or says something subtly sexist, or misrepresents the Word of God. This is a humor blog, and for the sake of humor, I would love to tell you some of the gems of memes my friends have shared. But my first priority is to not insult anyone for the sake of humor.

I found myself, at least twice a day, with my heart literally pounding in anger against my ribs, and ain’t nobody got time for that. So I figured out how to delete my page, but just before I clicked, I realized that I need my page in order to reach the pages I maintain for other companies (duh.) Instead, I “unfollowed” (formerly “hid”) my friends and left in my feed only the pages that might tell me about important upcoming events, such as my church’s and my daughter’s school’s page. Can you guess what happened within two days? Someone posted to the school page that we needed to discuss the risks of our school’s unusually high immunization exemption numbers. And did I post a Hear This Well video of the mother of a vaccine injured boy? I think you know the answer. Sure as Bush took more vacation days than Obama I did.

At least these things happen less often now, though. Anyway, soon after I made my dramatic exit from Facebook to the dismay of about 8% of my friends, I realized that this might not be good for the release of my novella in a month or so. How will the ten people who bought my previous books hear of its availability? For a second, I thought about a one-time return to announce the book. But then I’d be one of those people. The ones who come on to advertise, but never comment on my witty statuses. And I’m stubborn, so I think I’ll stick to my promise. Who needs fifteen dollars and forty-four cents in royalties, anyway?

So what’s the amazing thing that happened after I left Facebook? Well (and I know, this is so amazing) what happened is nothing. Nothing has changed. The same people who didn’t change their minds when I argued before still haven’t changed their minds. The same people who loved me before (and yes some people are in both of these categories) still love me now. The only thing that has changed is now I don’t have to feel stupid when I see someone in real life and forget the major life change that I supposedly congratulated them on in a comment. Now I can honestly say I didn’t know. “Oh, didn’t you see it on Facebook?” No. No, I did not 🙂