15 Things Every Band Teacher Will Encounter

So you’ve learned how to cue the clarinets while quieting the trumpets and making a mental note to remind the trombones about the B natural. Here’s what the credential program DIDN’T prepare you for.

1. The trumpet player who thinks it’s funny to play with his bell in his neighbor’s ear, even though you’ve explained that it can cause permanent hearing loss.
2. Vocal chord damage from yelling “F SHARP” over a full band playing. Several times a day.
3. Explaining why the abbreviation for ritardando is not funny.
4. Dented instruments, and arguments about who caused the dents.
5. Spit
6. Arriving at work only to find that your room will be used for the science fair today. But it’s okay! You can have the custodian’s closet! Just carry all those stands and drums over!
7. “Prodigies”
8. That sinking feeling when you realize that a clarinet player who’s been squeaking all year had a problem you should have seen on the first day.
9. Concerts minus a lead trumpet player who didn’t show up because he couldn’t find the right shirt/she got nervous/her parents forgot to come home from work to give her a ride.
10. The administration/other teachers forgetting to mention to you that the new student has a rap sheet.
11. More spit. This time a strange color.
12. No desks to get under during earthquake drill. Just say “We’re all screwed,” and keep rehearsing the Percy Grainger.
13. The kid who’s been just moving his fingers all year deciding to actually make sound at the concert.
14. The concert high.
15. Kids who are lucky they’re so cute.

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