I’ll be 40 this year. Here are some things I think everyone should know. I’m sure there are others, but as I don’t know them, I can’t put them on my list. Feel free to add your own in the comments.
1. Never, under any circumstances, open your mouth while swishing out the toilet.
2. He who brags that he’s never gotten a speeding ticket will be pulled over within 24 hours.
3. Never assume a woman is pregnant, even if she’s shopping for baby clothes and rubbing her beachball-shaped belly.
4. If there is no street to turn left on, there is also no U-turning, even if there’s not a NO U-TURN sign. (That’s an important one.)
5. Racism and sexism still exist.
6. Quinoa is pronounced keen-WAH, mischievous is pronounced MIS-chiv-us, and appreciate is pronounced seldom.
7. Thanks to technology, there’s no good place to pick your nose.
8. Some stereotypes are true, but you don’t say them anyway.
9. Kids are no worse than when you were a kid.
10. Automatic doors don’t always open.
11. Wasabi likes to masquerade as avocado.
12. Sometimes a six-year-old is going to know more than you.
13. The number 13 is not often unlucky.
14. No one is probably going to read your blog.
15. Life is short. Write a blog if you want to.